


All about you and me and Everything inbetween

by AdmiralKatCornwellfan



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Drastic Measures mentions, F/M, Motherhood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-15 10:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17527181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdmiralKatCornwellfan/pseuds/AdmiralKatCornwellfan
Summary: "Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future."-Corrie Ten Boom-





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Oparu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oparu/gifts).



> I apologize for posting this late but real life ... sadly is a mess. I had so may issues last month and this month, I never had time to write this for Cornwell fanworks challenge. But I wanted to get this out before we see our dear Admiral on season 2 of DISCO.  
> I hope you all enjoy this fic.

The dyeing rays of the sinking sun seemed to be reluctant to shine upon the drab grey surfaces of the Starfleet issued apartment.  
  
A lone figure sat upon a couch, her dark silhouette contrasting against the transparent aluminum window, set ablaze of the fading last light of the day. Darkness triumphed over the fading orange glow, plunging the unlit living space into the unforgiving blackness of the invading night. dingy walls gave up the minimal effort to reflect the light, enveloping the room in an unusual lack of light, for these living spaces are designed to switch on at least one emergency light as natural light dies away, unless any occupant commanded otherwise.  
  
Darkness implored the lone woman of the couch to change her position, her sharp angles softening and melding against the couch with a defeated sigh.  
The apartment was almost completely devoid of any personal touches, the usual knick-nacks or potted plants on ledges, walls adorned with holoimages of loved ones and relics of distant worlds along with any paintings or wall-hangings were absent, save for one small wooden box on the coffee table and bare essentials on the kitchen-island.  
  
The state of the apartment spoke volumes of its owner’s current mindset, that it was not a home, but a mere dwelling to her, and she was a person who used to deduce such things about other individuals. At least she still had that skill with her but the description that better suited at the moment was an admiral, a defeated, weary and war-torn one at that.  
Her eyes lacked the usual sparkle and light humor, nor her dimples saw the light of the day for so long. The furrows, worry-lines added to the face, giving her an appearance of someone a decade her senior. Her gaze locked on the empty wall as she absentmindedly pulled at her wrist monitor and her thoughts whirled out of her control, a raging storm laying destruction on everything it touched.  
  
A sound emanated from her monitor and the vibration it set against her skin pulled her from the never-ending downward spiral and prompted her to abandon her couch in favor of walking the short distance towards a whitewashed door opposite to the kitchen area.  
The door opened revealing a room that was in complete contrast to the rest of her abode, its soft pastel hues and childish images contradicting the unrelenting dull grey of the rest of the place. Soft white curtains gently swayed as the door opened, the gentle illumination of the room soothing her tired eyes that landed on the holoimage of herself for a moment. The centerpiece of the room, a white crib and its sole occupant stole her attention and as she picked up the young child, the beeping and vibration of her monitor ceased to exist.  
  
Older woman gently cooed and kissed the soft cheeks of the infant, the babe gripped her clothing as if she feared that her mother would leave her. Katrina walked around the room, gently talking to the child, rocking her and giving her all the love, she could give.  
  
As the whimpering subsided, Kat decided to move into the living area, mindful of the precious cargo she carried, ordered for a 25% illumination and carefully walked towards the couch she abandoned few minutes ago. She settled on the couch and adjusted her shirt so her daughter could feed and continued to softly whisper and hum a lullaby as trusting large blue eyes blinked at her and tiny fingers pulled at her skin.  
  
As the baby finally settled on her chest, Katrina made a move to grab the small wooden box atop her coffee table. She opened it with a practiced ease of a mother who is used to do such things one-handed, while the other securely held her baby girl to herself. She shifted the weight of the child to the crook of her right arm as she carefully fingered the contents of the box, thin wisps of paper, frayed and yellowed with the constant touch of hand and their writings faded with time. Yet she knew them by heart and the memories overflowed like the old wooden box was filled to the brim with strips of paper.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."  
> \- Mulan -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the medical details described in this chapter, I merely extrapolated from the medical advancements we saw in Star Trek Voyager and taking the time gap of a century backwards and considering the fact that new technology we see in Discovery is only belonging to the ship as it is a sort of experimental Starship used during wartime and the technology isn't available for common use for another 50 years or so.  
> And for Katrina's injuries, her immobility and injured spine are the only ones we see in the show but for the purpose of this story I might've exaggerated them a bit.

It was long ago offered to her by Gabriel. well after Tarsus IV incident that had changed his life and now served as the only memento, she has remained of him, untainted by the filthy presence of his impostor.  
Even his Image left tainted and marred by Lorca who ruthlessly destroyed everything Gabriel held dear. His ship, his crew, his hard-earned captaincy and the name he fought to keep up, as well as her.  
  
She was an admiral and she was to perform her duty to Starfleet, which needed her specialties more than ever. Discovery was destroyed along with its precious algorithm to break the impenetrable Klingon cloak made the scale tipped heavily to the side of their enemy and the sinking feeling she felt wasn’t endemic to her either. And there was no time to wallow in her misery so she focused on getting better and going back out there. War has loosened the tight rules and regulations regarding recovery and reinstating to active service was much easier. But then again, no one had to go through Klingon imprisonment and torture before they applied for reinstatement during peace either.  
  
But there was one factor that she had to consider after all. Her baby. When her pregnancy was discovered in star base 88, Katrina was not in a position to be a mother. She was mauled and tortured by Klingons and severely injured as a result of her close combat with L'rell. The initial surgery was a success but there were some procedures that had to be postponed until either she terminated her pregnancy or the baby was born. at that point, Kat, raw with the losses she faced, couldn't come to terminate the pregnancy. That tiny life, who endured everything along with her, was the only proof of a love Existed Between her And Gabriel and she wasn't brave enough to deny the chance for a life to live.  
  
For the first two months, she was able to ignore the fact as she was in and out of surgeries, physical therapy and learning to maneuver her anti-grav chair. But time came she could tell the difference between her post-surgery queasiness, pains of her therapy, exhaustion of recovery to the pregnancy. Her body reminded her of the fact she chose to ignore yet she didn’t know how or what to do. She had no one to support her in this, Gabriel long gone and his betrayal left a bitter aftertaste in her soul, both their immediate families died long before war and one by one, their closest friends were slaughtered by an unforgiving enemy. She had been alone and self-sufficient for a long time, she didn’t know how to take care of a child who would be totally dependent on her. And there was a war raging on and there was an alarmingly increasing possibility that her child would be an orphan soon after birth. And her health wasn’t optimum, she was having acute PTSD attacks and being a doctor herself, Kat knew for sure she wasn’t equipped for taking care of a newborn anytime soon. If times were different, infant would be taken away after birth until she was stable. Debating facts, she knew in her head from a bio bed and seeing the proof for the first time made all the difference. She had refused seeing the scans before, out of fear that one night she realized as losing the baby. But she had gathered enough courage or so she thought.  
  
She had seen a fair share of fetal images during her time as a medical student, heard heartbeats of unborn babies but listening to the thundering noise that pulsed in her ears long after, seeing the minuscule moving mass that was almost-human made everything different. she always remembered the screen blurred by tears and the young doctor reaching to hold her hand. It somehow lessened the impact of every ordeal she went through and made her nervous and anxious in the same time.

  


But help came in a very unexpected guise, ambassador Sarek visited her and Kat was damn sure the Vulcan ambassador almost felt guilty for her plight as she was a last-minute choice for the peace negotiations in his place. He offered a place for her in his household, and she almost refused it but it was his wife, Amanda who changed her mind. Amanda offered to take care of the baby until she returned, and already Kat was on part-time duty, barking orders at incompetent cadets as most of ensigns and lieutenants were posted on starships instead of being aids to admirals.  
Admiral Cornwell was a sight in those days at Starfleet HQ, maneuvering her anti-grav chair at high speeds, her aid rushing after her with stacks of PADDs and another one following with hyposprays, medications and food. She managed to hide and even managed to classify the medical records pertaining to her pregnancy even from them. Only the medical student appointed as one of her aids knew her condition and equipped to handle medical situation, if she went into premature labor. And in her case which she did. She transported to Vulcan per her request along with her daughter Andromeda, who was born two months earlier. Despite her early arrival, she was quite healthy but she was born highly sensitive to light which baffled both the doctors and Kat because Gabriel’s sensitivity to light was a war injury.  
  
Kat had very little recollection of the moment her daughter entered this world. she was under the influence of drugs to prevent further injuries to her spine and to keep the the newly regenerated nerves of her legs and lower back stable. she Remembered the immense, indescribable pain and the mewling noise of a very tiny infant. Her daughter was kept inside an incubator and all she Remembered was feeling empty and the tears that fell so free. her eyes were ready to spill tears without hesitation and she cried for her little girl who suffered because of her incompetence. but when Doctors placed her in her arms, very tiny pink being looking like a small doll instead of a baby, yet the love was there and it was all she needed. She’d never thought of a name but she remembered something Gabriel said once, something about unexplored galaxies and universes, his thirst to explore the unknown. Andromeda was rather suitable with the whole space theme both their lives were and her life still is and despite everything happened, space was, is and will be something she’d never tire of. And uncharted and mysterious element added in, the name was only suitable for her little fighter who defied all the odds placed before her.  
  
Amanda Greyson had arranged everything at her homestead in Shikahr to receive her and Andy. Even a Doctor who specialized in neonatal care at Vulcan Medical Institute was consulted and briefed about his newest patient. Kat was Eternally grateful for the kindness and the knowledge that her daughter would be loved here. As Amanda smiled and talked to her, Kat finally understood the pain in Amanda's eyes. She was only a mother for a few short days but she knew, without a doubt that the lengths she would go for her baby. And she wasn’t capable of even imagining living a life only to know you lost your child and was unable to anything for her.  
  
But the separation after 3 weeks tolled heavily on her psyche. Kat had hardened her heart to leave but a tiny little girl who weighed no more than 3 pounds had stolen that scarred, wounded old organ.  
  
she felt the tears falling over when she cradled her little girl that final night in the darkened room only illuminated by a small nightlight and gathered up her courage to record a message, Just in case. her voice trembled yet she spoke to the child she is leaving behind, of love she felt and a promise to return. She recorded two other messages, one to Amanda and other to Afsaneh Paris, in case she failed to return.  
  
Wiping her misty eyes, she took a moment to look at her little girl, so tiny and fragile in her arms. Her own gnarled hands against the softness of the baby skin and Kat couldn’t help but wonder was she actually the mother of this perfect child sleeping peacefully in her arms. Never had someone trusted her so fully, so completely that her resolve shook a little bit. Kissing the tiny forehead, trying to shut out the voice in her head that was telling her this is the last time she’d ever do that, she slowly placed Andy in her bassinet, knowing that if her daughter was awake, she won’t be able to leave her behind. Kat lingered on the living area for a moment, Hugging Amanda a little bit tight, the older woman promising to take care of her daughter.  
  
She never looked back when she bordered the shuttle with a heavy heart and aching breasts full of milk, knowing if she looked back, she would never leave her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this new chapter and to all who left kudos!!! Third chapters is currently being written and I will post it asap.

**Author's Note:**

> Andromeda's name taken from a [tumblr convo](http://pixiedane.tumblr.com/post/167176007158/admiral-kat-plot-bunny-list) And the name belongs to [pixiedane](http://pixiedane.tumblr.com/).  
> 


End file.
